Ciaossu,

Hello everyone and sorry for not posting for such a long time although my school holidays started at the beginning of november. I was really busy in november since I got a bad cough the moment the holidays started and when I had finally recovered, 2 weeks had already flew by and it was time for my student science attachment at NUS (this lasted one week). After a successful learning journey at IMRE, I got gastric flu and had a terrible week recuperating since I kept barfing and had diarrhoea.

December started not too long ago and I must say it has been much more eventful compared to November. Many of my friends who had gone overseas had started to fly home so the number of group outings increased. I started to really get into the holiday mood! However this isn't what I want to talk to everyone today.

Today, I would like to share a scolding I just got from my dad just 10minutes ago. Well, my dad is a very opinionated guy and he believes that he is NEVER in the wrong. You might not believe me but when me and my mum tell him that it is "human to err", he tells us he doesn't ever err because he chooses not to err. Of course no one in my family of three believes him since he makes mistakes just like any other human being. But this mindset has made him so egotistical that he hardly ever listens to my mum or me. To him, he is always right.

Having lived till now, at the age of 16, I really can't understand his character nor respect his view that he can never go wrong. Even more so since he never listens to anyone and never admits his mistakes. Till now, he has never properly apologised to my mum or me for anything he has done that upset us since he feels that such little mistakes don't count. They matter to us of course, but he never sticks around long enough to listen to our point of view so expecting an apology is like a fantasy that will never happen in real life.

Today we got into an argument about his company's website. When accessed, a warning sign saying that the site is dangerous will appear and this got him very worked up. I had had a bad night and had barely slept at all so when I got up after around 4 hours of sleep, I was still not in my right state of mind. He chose this "perfect" time to ask me to enter his website on my computer and of course I opened Internet Explorer and since the computer was lagging, I decided to wash up and take a bath first as I was still halfway in dreamland. Normally I don't bathe the moment I get up but today was different since it had been a warm night and I had worked up quite a sweat while trying to get to sleep, tossing and turning till 7am. My dad is an impatient guy who always wants his things to get done first or else... So expectedly, when I got out of the bath, he was standing there looking at me angrily. I was more awake now but somehow didn't sense the urgency that he wanted to get his task done so when he shouted at me, I asked him to ask me nicely.

That really blew his top and he almost broke my door. Frankly to many, this might seem like an exaggerated way to behave over something as small as checking if his company's website is functioning properly or not. But anyways, I didn't say anything after seeing him bang the door like and indeed, his website was listed as dangerous by the anti-virus software. Seeing this, he really blew up and started screaming at me when I told him what was wrong with his site. I can see why he's worked up but it's not my fault your website isn't safe...I didn't say anything then so he calmed down by lunch.

I thought everything was already resolved. However, when I got home after lunch I decided to call one of my good friends for a chat. We talked for a while and he suddenly came into my room and asked her to google his website to see if it's working/"not-dangerous" anymore. My friend was fabulous and she did it quite patiently and yet when she typed it right, she got an invalid webpage. My dad suddenly started scolding me when he heard it and ended our otherwise happy conversation. My thoughts were: why is it my fault that her computer can't open the page??He asked me to call another friend but I asked him why he didn't go call his own friends to check it for him. He got really angry all of a sudden and started scolding me, saying I ought to just do what he tells me. I of course didn't want to get my friends involved in this and he started asking me if I don't have any close friends. I told him one was overseas and one wasn't at home with a computer..well whatever I said, it's still my fault anyway, to him at least. I was really upset that he doubted my friend and got angry while I was talking to her. She was doing me a favour..At the very least say thank you though you didn't get the response you want. Is the website more important than the people.

He then went on saying that I had a very bad attitude and that I never do things right. That the church I attend is the reason for my bad attitude.. I really got angry then...EVERYTIME we get into an argument, he bans me from attending church..It's always >>You're grounded this sat (which is the day of my church service). He's not christian so he doesn't know what it means to me..but I get so sad..when someone you love always says such things about the things you love and takes it away from you. I mean he never really banned me successfully but he always uses it as a threat. I really hate that. He admitted that he sometimes annoyed me just so I would get mad so he could say that I'm grounded from attending church service. What kind of dad is he...

Saying all this, I must say I don't hate him. My pastor once said that 1 negative comment needs 10 positive ones to override. However, I beg to differ. I'd willingly have 10 bad days in exchange for a really good one day. When the times are good, they're great and I'd rather have only 1 great day than 10 averagely good days. 10 negative comment doesn't need 100 good ones to override, it just needs that very same person who gave the 10 bad comments to give one average positive one. I have personal experience for that. My mum likes to verbally abuse me, she says the most nasty things on her bad days which make up most of the month. Yet, after she calls me an idiot and a disgrace and a failure, she just said 1 thing.. "I'm proud you're my daughter" and immediately, all the words she said before are erased.

I guess different people take it differently but I really hope more people can understand this. My dad might seem like a really bad guy who throws things around/shouts a lot when he gets mad, but deep down we all love each other. I'd never say I hate him. He can be terrible with his high ego but at least, he's a person I can cry in front of. Thinking about this after my argument helped me sort out my thoughts. He made me cry but thank God I can cry in front of him. Being able to have people I trust around me is such a blessing. Sympathise those who can't even show weakness in front of their family for they don't have anyone they trust.

I really wish my dad would listen sometimes to me and my mum but I can never expect that old man nor his bad temper to change. I guess I'll just have to live with it and make the best out of our relationship. Christmas is coming so I'll try my best to be a good girl haha XD It's been a very long post so I'll end here. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone, and thanks for reading my long-winded story:P Ciao

Lots of Love,
Elizabeth

PS: I pierced my ear today and though it hurt, I'm happy coz I know I'm alive since I can feel it^^ Being able to feel is such a blessing^^ (Weird afterthought that doesn't link with my post but ah wells:P) Merry Xmas! It's the season of forgiveness so forgive and forget all my friends^^